erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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