Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
