i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
