Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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