i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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