He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Houston, we have a blender
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
