just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Actions speak louder than pants.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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