It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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