I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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