I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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