He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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