Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
