We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
