Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
