So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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