I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
