did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
