Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
