i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
