theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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