ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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