Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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