I murdered the dance floor call the cops
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
