it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
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So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
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So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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