I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize