my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
