Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
