i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
