Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
