dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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