Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
