last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
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the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
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It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
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