Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
