I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
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He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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