Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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