I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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