I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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