Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
