I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
