I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
