Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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