btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
