Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
