have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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