I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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