Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
