I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
