You made me cry and you don't even care
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
