so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
