I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
