I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
