with your own penis?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
