i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
