your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
