Can i not drive my cunt home
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
