you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
