That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
