Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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