Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
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I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
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The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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